SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey guys, are you ready to transform your mind so you can transform your life? Coach Mirna brings you one-on-one coaching in expert guest weekly to get you the wrong. Because happiness is the progressive realization of a worthy goal. Looking for personal growth?

SPEAKER_03 0:20

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SPEAKER_02 1:29

So I would say, first of all, you say one, but I'm gonna probably give you two. Um it the idea that we, you know, need to rely on other people and that we worry so much about what other people think. You know, we get caught in that comparison game. Number one, nobody's really thinking about you. And I'm not saying that in a negative way, but we're always so worried, oh my gosh, what are they gonna think? People are so worried about what's happening in their own lives that they're not looking at you and judging you all the time. They're just not, right? So we get we create these ideas in our head of like, oh my gosh, what's happening? The second part is understanding that there is not one person that doesn't struggle with something. So a lot of times we feel like we're so alone that, oh, I'm the only one that struggles with this. But as soon as you have a conversation, you realize that you're not, right? You realize that there are people who really want to help you, but you have to talk about what you're struggling with.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

Welcome to the Transfer Your Mind podcast, where we learn how to shift our thinking, reclaim our power, and transform our lives from the inside out. Today's conversation is especially powerful for anyone who has ever struggled with self-doubt, felt invisible despite their accomplishments, or wondered if there were truly enough. My guest today is Simone Canego. Um, welcome, Simone. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to have this conversation. Amazing. All right, let me give you guys a bit more information. Simone is an international speaker, award-winning author, TEDx speaker, and life coach who helps high-achieving women reconnect with their purpose and build unshakable confidence. She's the best-selling author of The Extraordinary, Unordinary You, host of the globally ranked podcast, Her Unshakable Confidence, and her upcoming book, Real Confidence, drives even deeper in sorry, dives even deeper into what it truly means to believe in yourself. Simone's message is both refreshing and liberating. Confidence isn't about becoming someone new, it's about changing the way you see yourself. From summiting Mount Kilimanjaro, what an accomplishment, to raising six children. Her journey reminds us that strength is built from the inside, one belief at a time. So get ready for an honest, empowering conversation about mindset, identity, and how transforming your inner dialogue can change everything. So let's dive in. All right. The first question I want to ask you, Simone, is you often say that confidence isn't about changing who you are, but changing how you see yourself. Was there a specific moment or season in your life when that realization truly clicked for you?

SPEAKER_02 4:32

100%. So I am someone who struggled for years with self-doubt. And when I was 42 years old, I mean, I never thought I was doing enough. I never thought I was enough. You know, I thought everybody else had the perfect life, and I was the only one that struggled. I mean, that was my thought process. When I was 42 years old, I was asked to do something completely out of my comfort zone, and I said yes, and that was climbing Kilimanjaro. And that really helped me change the way I saw myself because for so long I didn't think I could do things like that. I didn't think I was capable of so many different things. And that moment changed so many things for me because I realized that I didn't need to worry about what anybody else was thinking. I didn't need to worry about what anybody else was doing. I needed to worry about how I could lead my best life. And that all stemmed, that all had to do with changing the way I saw myself. You know, so often we talk about we need to change this about ourselves, we need to change this. And I truly believe it's how we see ourselves that really matters.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Wow. I didn't know people actually ask you to climb Monk Kill in Langero. I thought it's a personal, a personal goal of yours that you know you want to do something. But um uh I can imagine. I mean, who can have self-doubt or even fear? I mean, you conquer fear, you conquer self-doubt, you conquer courage, you conquer everything when you're climbing mountains. So that was amazing, of course. And if you accomplish it, even if you didn't get to the summit, the fact that you even started or even attempted it would change totally the way you see yourself. So before I go on to my next question, so what happened on Monk Kilimanjaro? Tell us the story. Did you go to the top? What happened during the climb that made you realize that you're that you're able to do hard things? What?

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Yeah, so I went with there were 16 of us. I didn't know anybody on the team. So we were actually raising money for the Live Strong Foundation. So a friend of ours had climbed it the year before with the same organization, and that was why he reached out. He well, he actually asked my husband, and my husband said, No, thank you. Call Simone. And he did, and I said yes because I knew I needed something different. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. Did I need to climb a mountain? Probably not, but you know, hey, that was the opportunity that um, you know, was in front of me. So that's what I took. But yeah, I did make it to the summit. And but during that time, there were, you know, so many times where I had that voice inside my head. I call it the what if whisperer, you know, oh, what if you don't make it? You know, what if, you know, what if you're not capable? You know, all these different thoughts that would come through my head. And, you know, I just kept saying to myself, one more step, one more step. And, you know, it was really, it's really about taking action. You know, so often we think about the things we can do, um, but it's taking the action. It's not just sitting there waiting for something to happen. And the the entire team made it to the top. And at the summit, I really, I didn't have that much time to think about it because, you know, you're just trying to breathe. But on the way down, yeah, on the way back down, there was definitely time to think about, okay, what just happened and why have I been living my life in a way that I was so worried about what other people thought, or, you know, like that I wasn't capable of doing certain things and, you know, really changed my outlook on everything that we're all capable of doing these things. We need to ask ourselves if we want to.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Mm-hmm. That's amazing. That's amazing. You know, I've read several books on climbing um Mount Everest, and I'm very, very um attuned with that experience. Um, you know, um, and at one point in time, I had the goal to just get to base camp because that's a that's a trek too. And I thought, you know, I'll just I'll just go to Nepal and and climb to Basecamp and things like that. But um, yeah, it's um the books that I've read, um, and the the the guests that I've talked to that does these kind of things, it's they talk about the fact that um yeah, fear and confidence and courage, and you know, sometimes you know, you climb in Mount Tavaras and you see people dead along the side, and you just keep going, you know, it's um because it's your goal to break through those limiting beliefs and break through those limiting um thoughts, like you're saying you're not good enough and that you can do it. So that's amazing. So is that started your coaching um uh career in your TEDx, or were you doing it before?

SPEAKER_02 9:26

No, that all kind of led into my writing, my speaking, and not because of the Kilimanjaro story, but because of my mindset shift. Um, I realized what I really love doing is helping other women change the way that they see themselves and help them realize what they're capable of. And so that's kind of where that journey began. So, yes, people ask me to talk about Kilimanjaro, but that's not what my, you know, my focus is on helping women live without limits.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

Oh, so that's your tagline, live without limits.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Live without limits.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

I love that. I love that, yeah. Huh. Live without limits. Yes, you can do it. Kilimanjaro next Mount Everest, right? Yeah, okay. So um after the climb, right, which happened in 2015, by the way, for listening audience, um uh what stories do you start to tell yourself after that? Um, is it the Life Without Limit stories or there's something else? And and how do you use that experience to coach your clients?

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Yeah, so so much of what I learned during that time period is really how it was changing the way that I, not just how I saw myself, but how I talked to myself. You know, I I realized that I the way I talk to myself, I would never talk to my best friend that way, right? I would never be so negative to my best friend, but I was doing that to myself. And so it's really about understanding that you are your own best friend. You're going to live with yourself forever. Do you want to be miserable or do you want to be happy? Do you want to treat yourself like crap every single day? No, the answer is no, you don't. So for me, it was so important to kind of change that behavior because for so long I was not nice to myself because I was unhappy with myself. And so, again, the way I work with women is kind of changing how they talk to themselves. That's like a big piece of it because so often we don't even realize that we're doing it. And I had a big call-out for my daughter when she was 15 years old. She's now 23. She's actually um the daughter that I co-host my podcast with. And yeah, it's really fun. It's called Her Unshakable Confidence. And, you know, the goal is to get her her there quicker than I did. And so when she was 15 years old, I was getting ready for an event. I'm in the in my bathroom and I'm totally talking down to myself in the mirror. I can't believe you gained weight again. Like, why are you even going to this thing? You don't fit in your clothes. And I don't think I even realized I was doing it. And she walked in and she said, Mom, you gotta stop. First of all, you're beautiful. Second of all, you're giving me a complex. How do you expect expect me to love my body when you don't even like your own? And it was a big wake-up call because I don't think I even realized I was doing it. I just, that's just what I did, right? I if someone gave me a compliment, I couldn't even say thank you. I was like, oh no, I don't think so. You know, I couldn't accept anything positive about myself because I didn't feel positively about myself.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

Hmm. Yeah, our kids are always watching, especially when you have girl children. So that was, and you're right, you probably thought you were saying it in your head, but you were saying it out loud. So she heard you. Wow. Wow. Okay. So um uh that she did obviously you changed and she didn't grow up with a complex and now she is fortunately, I did.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

But again, I think for so many of us, we don't even realize that we're doing it. And so that realization of not only was it affecting me, but it was affecting the people around me was huge for me because you know, I have six children. Do I really want to mess all of them up already? No, that'll come later. That'll come later.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

Yeah, I saw that. Yes, I saw that with the six children. So is she your eldest?

SPEAKER_02 13:24

No, she is my youngest biological child. So we have three biological kids and then we adopted three children. So she she should have been my my youngest, but she's she's the messy middle, as she calls it.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

The messy middle. All right, so that's great. Okay, so all right, so let's talk about confidence now. Many women confuse confidence with achievement, approval, and or perfection. How do you help women separate their self-work from their accomplishments or rules?

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Yeah, so confidence is a skill, you know, hard stop. It's a skill that you build, just like going to the gym and working out and building muscle, just like, you know, learning a different language, you know, it doesn't happen overnight. It's something that you work on every day. So mindset is an important skill to have. And so the outside, the achievements, yes, do we feel good about them? But if we're only focused on that, then we're never going to get to the place that we really feel comfortable when we have failures, right? So when you build confidence, you understand that failures are a stepping stone, right? They're they're part of success. They're not, you know, mutually exclusive from success. And so that's why I think that it's something that we need to work on every single day. And, you know, a lot of times we look at other people and say, oh, they're just so confident. A lot of times they're not, right? A lot of times people perform confidence. And that's what I did for years. I pretended that I was really strong and that I had it all together. And I didn't. It's like one false move and it would have all fallen apart. But, you know, it took me a long time to realize that. That do I really want to wake up every day pretending to be something that I'm not? When I'm struggling with something something, I want to be able to say it out loud and say, this is what I'm struggling with, instead of pretending everything's okay all of the time.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

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SPEAKER_02 18:03

Yeah. I mean, just because you failed at something doesn't make you a failure, right? It is a learning experience. But so often we take it so personally that we're like, oh, I'm a failure. I can't ever try that again. And it's completely the opposite, right? I mean, you have to feel all the feelings, right? So if you make a mistake, you have a bump in the road. I'm not saying, oh, just stuff it down. Absolutely not. Like take that moment and say, oh my God, that was horrible. Like I was embarrassed, whatever it was. Okay, how are you gonna move forward next? Because now it's in the past. You got to pick a moment. So for me, I always say that whatever happens, like feel all the emotions and then pick a day and move forward. Because otherwise you can be stuck there forever. And growth happens when you're willing to accept failure, right? When you're willing to take action, when you're willing to make changes, because you know, otherwise you're just stuck in the same place all the time.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you yes, you um you gotta move forward, you gotta do the work. Seems like every time I come on the podcast now, I'm quoting um Byron Katie the work because nothing happens um uh, you know, unless you do the work. So yes, you've got to do the work. If you are, if you fail at something and you feel like, you know, you feel like shit and your your confidence is is gone and you're you know scared to try something again. Yeah, I was just um I was listening to something recently, or I think it was my last guest actually, and um she was saying that um let's say that someone is in a dating world and they um uh go out with a guy and the guy ghosts them, doesn't call them back. And uh, you know, if she's someone else tells her to um, hey, move on. That's the that's the um that's the world that we live in, you know, guys don't have to call you back or whatever. So, but that person feels that you know the if you know, bringing it to this conversation, that person would feel that you know she doesn't have confidence. Men doesn't find her attractive and and uh it might make her not want to put herself back out again because nobody wants rejection, right? So in in your case, you're saying, hey, you know, um it's the same thing, failure is part of the conversation. We learned that in nursery school, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you get to the prince. So you've got to go through, you gotta go through the process. But yeah, so but it's a hard thing to do when you get rejected or you fail. It's a hard thing to do to pick yourself back up and say, This is part of the process, right? So um, yeah, give us an example of um someone picking themselves up back and saying this is part of the process.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Yeah, I, you know, I'll I'll first I want to touch on what you what you just said about the idea of, for example, that relationship example where, you know, they just ghosted them. What I love to talk about is that when someone makes a choice like that, it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with that other person, right? So you can't take it personally. It's just I just also remember when my kids were in school and there was someone, uh, a kid that was bullying them. It has nothing to do with the person's getting that's getting bullied. It has all to do with the bully. And a lot of times that person is really struggling with something. And so that's the way they take it out. So again, you have to separate yourself from that and say, okay, that it's not about me, it's about them. And I think it's true, for example, um, a client of mine at work where she constantly had somebody who was dumping the work on her, right? Like, oh, you know, you're below me. You you have to do these things. And, you know, she had to set boundaries. And so that was a big confidence piece. To say, that's not my job. Like, again, this is not my job. This is if I if you'd like me to show you my contract, this is what I'm assigned to do. And you bringing your work to me, you know, I'm not going to do it because that is not my job. And it took her a while to get there. But when she did, the guy who kept doing it was like so shocked that she stood up for herself. And I think he actually did respect her after that because he did he stopped asking or he stopped dumping, I should say. Um, and you know, she was like, Oh my gosh, it actually worked. But we're so worried what's gonna happen, what's gonna happen is that you're not gonna take shit from people anymore. That's what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

Yeah, yeah, you're gonna set some boundaries, right? Yes. And and when you're talking about bullies, standing up to them, they're always so shocked because they expect you to cower. And when you stand up to them, they're like, oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Yeah, yeah. And again, I think if you remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you, it has to do with the other person. Then you're like, oh wait, okay, this is not this is not a big deal because so what? They are not gonna call me back? That's their problem because I know my worth, I know my value, I know I'm an amazing person, and you know, they choose not to want to be around me. That's their choice.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

Yeah. So how do you teach your women to get there to that point? How do you teach them to have, you know, unshakable confidence?

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Yeah. So from my experience on Kilimanjaro moving forward, I really looked back to see, okay, how did I change the way I saw myself? How do I go into situations now where, yeah, I might be a little scared and I do it anyways. And so I created what I call the real method, which stands for respect yourself, embrace your failures, ask yourself what you want, and live without limits. And I started with self-respect because I think it's the foundation to everything that we do. I remember as a child being taught to respect my elders, my peers, but never once do I remember being taught that the most important person to respect is myself. It's yourself, right? Yeah, true. So boundaries, self-care, the way you talk to yourself, those are all part of self-respect. And, you know, again, treat yourself like you would your best friend. You wouldn't talk shit to her. So why would you do it to yourself? You know, you deserve better. Um and so, you know, that's that's how I work with women on building, you know, confidence again, because it is a skill. It's a skill that you build. And one of the, if I can share a little mindset hack that I like to use because we all have that voice that come that will come into our head, you know. Like I said, the what if whisperer. And uh it's a very creative title. It's called control alt-delete. Okay, back in the day, it was how we would uh reset a frozen computer. Now it brings up today. Yeah, now it brings up task manager. It's a little bit different now, but um though control is about, you know, and sometimes our minds freeze too, right? We get we get stuck in that comparison game, we spiral in self-doubt. So control is about awareness, right? What is the story that you're telling yourself? Is it real? Is it helpful? Most of the time the answer is no. There's lots of studies about negative thoughts, and one of them comes out of Canada and they found that we have 6,200 thoughts every day. 85% of them are negative, 95% are repetitive. So day after day, the same negative thoughts on repeat. Right. Okay. So the second part is alt, which is alternative. Tell yourself a better story. Your thoughts become your reality, your words become your reality. If you're constantly telling yourself you're not good enough, you're never gonna feel good enough, right? So instead of saying you can't do something, yes, you can, you know, watch me, right? Instead of saying that, you know, oh, instead of asking, what if I fail? How about when I succeed? Right. The more you say it, it's not about faking it until you make it. It's about saying it until you become it. And finally, it's delete. Delete the habits and beliefs that don't serve you. Delete the comparison game, delete the belief that you're not enough, delete the idea that you need to wait until you feel ready. That's one of the biggest things I hear from women. Oh, I'm just gonna wait until I feel ready. Waiting until you feel ready is like waiting for IKEA instructions to actually make sense. It is not gonna happen, right? Do the things you think you can't. So anytime I'm struggling with a negative thought or something that I'm feel overwhelmed by, I think control alt delete. Like, is this real? Because most of the time we're making up a story for that, and we stop ourselves from doing things because we believe this story when the story has nothing to do with reality.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, circling it back to you know, the analogy that I use with the girl that's that um is afraid to date because of rejection. Right, yeah, you gotta control all, delete that story. You know, you're right. It's uh it's him, it's not me. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm beautifully and wonderfully made. Yeah, and that's your alternative thought. And then, you know, you um uh delete what maybe um change the way that you're approaching dating. So delete your old patterns and and maybe shift to something else. So if that if that one thing is not working for you, then um and then change it. So that's good. Yes, these are all nice hacks, and and I love your real analogy too. Um uh um yeah, so there's there's ways to make things simpler, there's ways to remember, there's ways to hack your mind um uh when something is coming up instead of spiraling. Yes, there's um uh so I love I love your um your your analogies and and your little biohacks. Amazing.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

Thank you.

unknown 27:56

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

You're welcome. All right, so in your book, The Extraordinary, Unordinary You, I like that title as well. Thank you. You challenged Iday that we need to become more to matter. Why do so many high-achieving women still struggle to believe that they're already enough? And that's one of the first things. We're both life coaches, and one of the first things that I recognized when I became a life coach was that people um uh can be very successful. They've checked all the boxes, but they're still feeling unfulfilled. I'm not sure if they're not feeling enough, but they're feeling unfulfilled. And I've and I've learned now why, um, because a lot of people talk about it. A lot of people talk about where fulfillment comes from. In fact, I was just listening to um one of my favorite guys right now, uh, Myron Golden, just this morning, and he was talking about creation, and if you're not creating anything, then you can't be, you can't be um fulfilled because you know, God created the first thing he did was create, and you need to be create, you need to be. Um, I've heard people talk about the fact that you need to be um make a contribution. If you're not making a contribution, then you're not gonna feel fulfilled. So um what have you found um in uh, you know, that what do you talk about in your book? And how do you help women that you coach um that are high achieving, that's checked all the boxes, and they're still, you know, I'm not sure if they're still not confident, um, but they definitely feel that they're not good enough and they're not fulfilled.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

So, my first book, I talk about a lot about the little things that we do every day. You know, we we always like to give credit to people who make huge things happen, right? That we we look at big philanthropists, we look at celebrities, we, you know, we're so focused on what's happening in society, but we don't look at the little things we do every day, right? The way you talk to someone on customer service, right? That's huge. You have no idea how you can impact someone with the words that you say, with your behaviors. And those are the things that really do change the world, right? They you walk into a Starbucks and you just scream out your order, or do you ask the person how their day is going? You know, most I would say 90% of the people do not do that. So when that happens, people are like, Oh, are you really asking me that? I remember being on a call recently and I asked the guy how his day was going. He's like, Are you talking to me? I was like, Yes, I'm talking to you. He goes, I don't think I've ever had someone ask me that. I was like, Are you kidding me? And he's like, No, like people call and they want to complain. And so those kind of things where little things you do every day can really be life-changing for yourself as well. It's not just for the people around you, but but for yourself. And when it, you know, so I talk it in that book. I'm talking about our adopting our youngest three kids, and we talk about talked about Kilimanjaro a bit, but it really is about realizing what you're capable of and recognizing that the little things you do every day matter. When you talk about not feeling fulfilled and also not feeling like you're enough, I think we rely so much on external validation when the only validation we really need is from ourselves. And so when we feel comfortable in our own skin, and that's really my definition of confidence is feeling comfortable with who you are, no matter who you're with, you know, who you are, where you are, no matter who you're with. And, you know, I think that's key because so much of our world right now, when you look at social media and societal pressures, it's all about that external validation, like taking a selfie, you know, posting the selfie. Am I pretty enough? Am I, you know, and and there's a reason why, especially younger people really struggle with looking at themselves in the mirror. It's like 78% of kids, girls, by the time they turn 17 are unhappy with their bodies. Well, because what they see on social media is, you know, the shiny moments. And that's not reality, right? I mean, there's a reason why there are a range of clothing sizes because we are all unique, right? I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Um no one wants to be in the top ones, you know, you feel embarrassed about it. Yeah. So everybody wants to be uh the, you know, the model sizes. And yeah, and and that that that perception has been, you know, exploited by the magazines and um uh you know the models. But there, I think there's a shift happening. You're seeing much more plus sized women on magazines and in ads. Um they're starting to encompass everybody, but yeah, the 90s, you know, or um or before, I mean, everybody wanted to be, you know, 5'11 size two.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Yeah. And you know, it is what you just said is really interesting because the idea that we even call it plus size, right? Yeah, it's actually regular, right? So, you know, and and it's it it's always interesting to me when we look at like when my my oldest son was younger, um, he he was a big kid. And when you went to buy him clothes, you had to buy him husky. Like, did he feel good about himself? No, because I have to buy the husky set. Husky, right? How about regular? Like it's regular clothing for regular people. And you know, it shouldn't it, yeah, you know, we have all these terms that we like to to qualify people with. And I think that's one of the reasons that we're always searching for external validation, because we never feel like we're enough because society says, Oh, if you're a little bit different, then you don't fit in. And that's so not true.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Yeah, yeah. And that's that's exactly what's going on right now, right? You um, the story you tell yourself, if you gotta buy a plus size, is that yeah, there's something wrong with me. If I gotta buy a husky shirt, that means something is wrong with me. And it's the messaging that comes from that, that they you soak up, and then you soak it up, and then it comes out in in in other ways. So um yeah, I mean, then you you have a failure, right? Is which is what we're talking about, yeah, and you're thinking, oh, I have this failure because I'm a nobody, you know, or you know, um uh I'm thinking of a word that you know my husband used to say a lot, which is not a nice word, but you know, but uh if for a long time he would say he would say that about himself, he's changed a bit now because his confidence is growing. So um uh yeah, you you feel you you you um internalize and talk to yourself, just like you're saying, you know, um you wouldn't tell somebody this word, but you're talk about it about yourself, you know.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

Yeah, right does that make any sense, right? No, it doesn't like so again, we have to become aware of that and say to ourselves, like, why do we treat ourselves like crap? Like there is no reason we should. We are all amazing humans, we are capable, we can do all of these different things. We just need to give ourselves credit for the things that we're already doing.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Yes, yes, like you said, remember it is the small things, and um, you know, circling back to relationships, I've had you know, ex-boyfriends come and tell me some things about the small things that I've done for them that you you wouldn't even think that they noticed, but they remember it. So it's the small things in everything, the small things in your your job that your boss notices, the small things in your relationship that that your your your your partner notices, the small things in your children that they notice, and um the small things that you do for yourself that you should notice.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Yeah, I will tell you. So I've been married to my husband for 32 years, and every day he will call on his way home and he'll say, How can I make your life better? And you know, yeah, nope. I mean, so we've been doing that for years, and you know, it's always a reminder, even if I'm like frustrated with him, I'm like, Yeah, you can make my life better. Yeah, go get this.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

And I hope you give him something because normally, uh again, with the confidence and not accepting compliments and stuff like that, most people would say, I'm okay, honey. Thanks for asking.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

Yeah, I'm like, you know what? I could really use a coffee. You want to go get me a coffee? Or do you want to go with I don't feel like I don't feel like cooking? How about takeout? And you know, he'll he'll go and do it because you know that's the thing.

SPEAKER_03 36:39

Yeah, yeah. And I bet you any money, if you had brushed him off in the first year or something, it wouldn't be still going 32 years later. So you're smart enough to appreciate that and value it and and and respond because again, women that have no confidence um uh don't don't accept compliments, don't accept nice things, right? They they feel that they're not worth it. So they might say things like, Oh, that's okay, honey.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

Yeah, yes, thank you. Yes, thank you. Those two words are were the hardest thing for me for years was when someone said something nice about me to be able to say thank you, instead of brushing it off or saying, No, that's not right, or no, I don't think so. You know, it's like, oh, you want to do something nice for me? Yes, that'd be great. Here, this is what I need right now, you know. Um, and I've realized too, this is something that I learned from my kids, is that um instead of saying I want, they say I need. And I think need is such a powerful word when you think about it that way. So yeah, um, can I do something for you? Yeah, I need you, you know, like because that feels like they do this, they feel like, oh yeah, thank you. You need me. Okay, great. Yeah, I'll take care of it for you. Yeah, words matter.

SPEAKER_03 37:53

Yes, that's beautiful. Yeah, great conversation. All right, so for women listening right now who feels um stuck in self-doubt despite doing all the right things, what is one perspective shift she can make today to begin transforming her inner dialogue?

SPEAKER_02 38:12

So I would say, first of all, you say one, but I'm gonna probably give you two. Um it the idea that we, you know, need to rely on other people and that we worry so much about what other people think, you know, we get caught in that comparison game. Number one, nobody's really thinking about you. And I'm not saying in that in a negative way, but we're always so worried, oh my gosh, what are they gonna think? People are so worried about what's happening in their own lives that they're not looking at you and judging you all the time. They're just not, right? So we get we create these ideas in our head of like, oh my gosh, what's happening? The second part is understanding that there is not one person that doesn't struggle with something. So a lot of times we feel like we're so alone that, oh, I'm the only one that struggles with this. But as soon as you have a conversation, you realize that you're not, right? You realize that there are people who really want to help you, but you have to talk about what you're struggling with. And, you know, and and self-doubt, I mean, 80% of people struggle with low self-esteem. You are not alone. And understanding number is that high? Yes, yes, it is a it is a high number. And so, you know, understanding that there are things that you can do again, that confidence is a skill. It's not something other people have and you don't. It's something that you you work on every day. So tomorrow morning, when you look in the mirror, you talk to yourself like you would your best friend. You say something nice to yourself, right? Positive affirmations are huge for me. And I if you would have asked me 15 years ago, I would have said, oh my gosh, that doesn't work. Yes, it does. It really does. I mean, yeah, the way you, you know, you're again, the way you talk to yourself really becomes your reality. And so if you wake up every morning talking about everything negative, you're gonna feel negative all day long. Try it, you know, and and don't do it one time and say, oh, it didn't work. No, it's a it's it's a practice, it's a habit. You have to keep doing it so that you really can feel it, you really can experience it. But tomorrow morning, when you wake up, start saying positive things to yourself. You're not gonna love everything about yourself, that's not how it works.

SPEAKER_03 40:25

Yeah, but find something you like, right?

SPEAKER_02 40:27

Yeah, instead of looking in the mirror and saying, Oh my gosh, like, oh, look at my wrinkles and look at this. No, look at something and say, Wow, I have beautiful eyes, right? I was just about to say that because most people can say that they have beautiful eyes. Yeah. A lot of people have beautiful eyes, right? Start start there and then move forward instead of finding all the negative things because you could do that all day long and you could be stuck there. And you know, it's your choice. Do you want to be happy? Do you want to be miserable? You have a you have choices every single day. I'm gonna choose to be happy and I'm gonna choose to talk to myself like I would someone I love.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Yeah, it's great. And um, you know that you know, affirmations, um, some people say they don't work because when you say them, you don't believe them. And that means you're sending a message to your brain. And then some people think that it's good because it sets you up in a positive way, and um, and sooner or later you're gonna start to believe the things that you're saying. So, I mean, I I do believe that what you're saying, that yeah, you know, start with saying something nice to yourself and and uh not pick something that you know you're lying about, but find something nice and um sooner or later you'll find more things, right?

SPEAKER_02 41:36

Yeah, and I mean again, and when you talk about affirmations, look at professional athletes, look at you know, um, Olympic athletes. The way they talk to themselves is to build themselves up. They don't go out there and say, Well, I'm really gonna fail this beam routine today. No, no, they say I'm the best in the world. Yes, you're right. I've got this, I've got this, right? Or you've got this. Some people say first person, some people say third person, but they don't go out there and say, Well, I'm gonna fail miserably today, right? They they that's very true. That's they build themselves up and and it works. There's actually tons of research on it that how much it affects how you move forward.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

Yes, that's very true. That's very true, right? Some people think they're cocky, but it's you know, that's the way you have to believe. That's the way you've got to believe that you're the best self. So why bother participating? Right, right. You gotta believe you can do it. Yeah, absolutely. Yes, amazing. All right, so we're getting to the end of our conversation today. So, can you tell our listeners how they can connect with you? You can talk about your podcast, your website, your social media handles.

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Yeah, absolutely. So uh my website is simoneconego.com, S-I-M-O-N-E-K-N-E-G-O, and social media is pretty much everywhere as Simone Canego. I think on Facebook it's speaker Simone Canago because my personal page is Simone Canago. Uh, my podcast is called Her Unshakable Confidence. You can find it anywhere that you uh find podcasts, listen to your podcasts. And my new book, Real Confidence, a simple guide to go from unsure to unshakable, comes out February 17th. And you can find that at realconfidencebook.com. There's a bunch of pre-order bonuses. I don't know when this episode is coming out, but the the bonuses will probably still be up there even after the uh the launch, just so that if people want them, they can have them for a couple of months. And I think that's it. You can find me out there. I'm happy to help. Like reach out to me, tell me what's going on in your life. And I I'm I just started um in February, I'm starting a group coaching program as well. So the confidence collective.

SPEAKER_03 43:45

Nice okay, awesome. Um, I missed the website for the book. Is it real confidence? What? Realconfidencebook.com. Okay. Awesome. All right. Well, I will have all these links and this episode will air after February. So um, yes, you guys can just go buy it on Amazon and um, you know, still get you know some of the things that um uh Simone is offering for free on her website. But I will have all the links in the show notes. So as we wrap up, Simone, I want to thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, your heart, and your powerful perspective with us with us today. This conversation is such a powerful reminder that real confidence doesn't come from perfection or approval, it comes from learning to see yourself clearly and compassionately. To anyone listening, if today's episode resonated with you, I want you to encourage yourself to pause and reflect. What story are you telling yourself about who you are? And is it time to change it? Because when you transform your mind, you truly transform your life. Be sure again to check out Simone's best-selling book, The Extraordinary, Unordinary You. Um, listen to her podcast, Her Unshakable Confidence. And you by the time this episode airs you'll be able to pick up her new book, which is called Real Confidence, and I'll link out to it. Um follow her on Instagram at she's or um Facebook at um Simone Kinogetinogo.com. Messed up her name, but it's K-N-E-G-O. Um and um Facebook, she said it's speaker. All those will be linked out on the um on the show notes. So um, Simone, thank you for being on the show. Any last words before we before we wrap up?

SPEAKER_02 45:47

I'm just gonna remind you that you don't need to change who you are, you need to change the way you see yourself. Of course.

SPEAKER_03 45:53

Yes, 100%. I agree with that. Thank you guys for tuning in to this week's episode of Transform Your Mind so you can transform your life. This was a perfect episode to showcase that philosophy and that label. Thanks again for tuning in. Thank you, Simone. Until next time, have a stay.