SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Transform Your Mind Radio Hour and Podcast, the number one self-improvement podcast for women in the world. This is Life Coach Rennie Young. And in my book, Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement, I share my journey from being born in poverty in Guyana to having abundance in America. And I did it by being committed to Kenai, which is constant and never-ending improvement every day. Looking for personal growth? Let's do it. Each week, I bring you guests and one-on-one coaching sessions to help you transform your mind so that you can transform your life. A little while ago, I had the idea that I wanted to sell t-shirts with live coaching quotes like a mine is a terrible thing to waste. I had no idea where to get started. That's why I'm so glad that I found Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. What I love about Shopify is how no matter how big you want to grow, Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level. Sign up for one dollar per month trial period at Shopify.com slash transform. All lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash transform to take your business to the next level today. Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. I'm your host, Life Coach Rennie Young. And sitting in the guest here today are two guests, Nancy Rugart Plummer and Robert Ugart. Nancy is has an excellent story of survival. She has survived stage for ovarian cancer and methastatic brain cancer. And she's got a powerful story and a powerful book. So if you want to learn about cancer, survival, and what you can do to prevent and diagnose and any of those things, this month I am going to be interviewing guests with a cancer story or doctors regarding cancer because October is Cancer Awareness Month. So I want to bring you great content and great information. And we're starting the month off with Nancy and Robert because she's got an incredible story. Welcome, Nancy and Robert.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Hi, hi. Thanks so much. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yes, yes. You look good, Nancy. You know, sometimes, you know, the pastor says, you don't look like what you've been through. You don't look like what you've been through. That's the year the world. Yes, exactly. All right. Well, let me give you guys a short introduction to Nancy and Robert. Nancy Rugert Plummer, founder of Becoming the Best You, is her survivor of stage four avarian cancer, metastatic brain cancer. As a wellness and relationship coach, author, and columnist, she helps men and women navigate life challenges to become upbeat, unstoppable, and unafraid through one-on-one coaching group seminars and as a guest speaker. Her inspiring book, Becoming the Best You, The Lessons Cancer Taught Me, is going to be due out this month. Robert Rugard is the co-founder of Becoming the Best You. He left his job in finance to help write the book Becoming the Best You, the Lessons Cancer Taught Me with his mom, Nancy, to inspire and empower caregivers based on his own experience, caregiving from his mom, grandfather, and wife. Wow. I'm not going to pick that up, but that sounds like a lot of cancer.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

Right? I mean, it's everywhere. I got unlucky that I'm surrounded by it. But uh, you know, it's been it's been a real learning experience, and I'm lucky that uh most of the cancer patients in my life have come out uh stronger on the other end.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Oh, that is absolutely beautiful. If we want to have a positive spin, that is a positive spin.

SPEAKER_03 5:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

All right. Well, Nancy, before we started um recording, I mentioned that I am reading the book Outlive Right Now by Dr. Peter Atia. And he is his book is basically talking about the four horsemen, which are the top killers of right now. And cancer is one of the top ones, I think. Under what was number one? Heart disease. Heart disease, yeah. And cancer is like number two of the horsemen. So what he talks about is um early detection as a survival. So I'm gonna start off by saying you got diagnosed with stage four cancer, which ovarian cancer, which is really not early detection, and you had metastatic brain cancer, which means that the cancer is already spread. I am extremely curious to know your stories. Let's start with the ovarian cancer. How was it diagnosed? How did you treat it? And then we can go on to the metastatic breast cancer, I mean brain cancer, and where did it metasized to? Let's sure take a full hour to talk about your story.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

It is a long time. Don't ask me that.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

It was definitely a marathon. It all started in the fall of 2015, and I had been dealing with bloating for months on end. I'd been dealing with needing to urinate all the time, and yet at the same time being constipated up to weeks. And I knew that something was wrong. I didn't know what it was. So I made an emergency appointment with my OBGYN of 25 years, and I felt since he was a superstar in the world of gynecology, that he wouldn't be the person I could trust and give me answers to my pain. So when I met with him, I had just come from being with a client and I was all dressed for success, and my hair was done and my makeup on. I had been, I'd had the life people only dream of. I had been a relationship coach and wellness coach, helping people navigate their treacherous lives. And little did I know that I myself would have to navigate my most treacherous journey of, you know. Um, but when I arrived and met with him, I was concerned. I was concerned that he would dismiss my worries. And in fact, he did. He took one look at me with my hair done and my makeup and my beautiful outfit. I expressed my concerns. He just in his dismissive voice, he said, Nancy, look at you. You're too pretty. And you've been a perfect specimen of health. And I reeled inside my brain. I was thinking, oh my God, what does wearing makeup and and a pretty outfit have to do with my health? So from there, you know, we fought a little bit head to head, and he agreed with me that he would give me an ultrasound in a in a couple of weeks. So I didn't tell anyone about my problem. I didn't, and that will go on to I regret that. That's what I'm sure Dr. Ikea and everyone is saying, oops, uh, one of your third mistakes getting on the go. Anyway, um, I didn't share with anyone and I never heard back. I called them 10 days later, and they just said your ultrasound came out clean, your scan's clean. So in their minds, I was healthy. And for seven months I was quiet, albeit in pain. And it was such a slow pain, and I unfortunately could be a very determined person, the good and bad of it. I uh I kept up with my my gym routine, I kept up with all our family functions and my very challenging work schedule. And then in June of 2016, so seven months later, I asked a friend to take me into the emergency room. I knew I couldn't go on, and I knew that I was probably at death door.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

What was happening then that you needed to go to the emergency room?

SPEAKER_00 9:15

By then, I like as the months went on, I found myself being able to eat less and less, and my exhaustion was continuing, and I was feeling more and more bloated. In my mind, I kept thinking, oh my goodness, you know, you're not exercising enough, not doing enough core work. So I day the even the day when I went into the emergency room, I must confess that I was doing windsprints down the lane because I was growing this abdomen. Little did I realize that it was 67 ounces of ascites that's cancerous fluid in me. That's a lot of ounces for someone that's not the heaviest person to start with. But anyway, um, I'm in the emergency room and the on-call doctor did a quick ultrasound with me and then and came back with discharge papers. What? And I know. My goodness. I know.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

And so obviously what you're saying is this cancer cannot be picked up through an ultrasound. Yeah, most of the time. Two people had looked at it and found nothing, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Correct. So I looked at him and I gathered the strength that I could. I was really sick, and I just said, you know, I'm not, I haven't shared with anyone, but I think I'm dying. You know, you have to save me. So we agreed together to do a CT scan. And he came back three hours later and said, ma'am, you have ovarian cancer. And okay, so the CT scan picked it up.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Yeah. Wow. Um I have to ask you a question here. Um, you weren't bleeding because I heard someone on Facebook talk about bleeding, and I understand that ovarian cancer, one of the ways that you know it's ovarian cancer is that you're bleeding. You didn't mention bleeding.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

I never had bleeding. And this is the issue with ovarian cancer, is that you know, we call ovarian cancer the silent killer, and I say it's just maybe that no one's listening. Because, yes, indeed, when you think about bloating, you think about constipation, you think about needing to urinate, you think about fatigue. Those symptoms are the symptoms of many women as they get older, and that's why they're dismissed. It isn't that you know, you have bleeding, it isn't that there's something that is so significant that you feel a lump, right? So that is the challenge. Um so anyway, fast forward, he says you have ovarian cancer and I and he they take my surgeon, my oncologist surgeon was incredible. He took a week to gather eight surgeons together. It was, can you explain what my ovarian yeah?

SPEAKER_03 12:08

Uh I mean, obviously she had very extensive uh ovarian cancer at the time. Uh, I think when she was first diagnosed, it was late stage three. Uh it hadn't we hadn't found proof that it metastasized anywhere outside of where they deem uh stage three. Uh so she was 3C, and she had cancer ranging from obviously her um uh pelvis all the way up to the base of her um diaphragm in her at the bottom of her lungs. And so she needed a eight-hour-long surgery with I think eight different specialists. Uh, it took them over. So what did they do?

SPEAKER_01 12:43

They removed the cervix, or what what was the surgery for?

SPEAKER_03 12:48

So what was it? Uh bilateral cell pingophorectomy. So that's taking out the ovaries, the fallopian tubes, and I think the uterus as well, uh debulking. Um, there was uh colon resection.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Um they had to take out 22 inches of my bows. Oh wow. And then so I was given an ostomy. That was that was that was its own journey.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Yeah, nightmare. It was a lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Um yeah, and then you know, they took they I had more oophorectomies than someone can count. I I think I had two opherectomies. What is that? What is that? I had more ectomies, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

Uh is removing your ovaries, so you can only do that twice unless you have some weird, but uh yeah, she had a lot of ectomies for sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

That is great. No, it's it's so funny, it's true. The list was so long that I could never memorize it. So, but but we got through it.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Um and I All right, let's stop there for a minute. How did you how did you so when they told you you had ovarian cancer, what was your reaction? What was your reaction to I don't know, what how did you feel? Did you said a minute ago that you told the doctor that you feel like you're dying? Did you feel that you're when you get the cancer diagnosis? How did you how did you respond to that?

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Well, Robert can add on to this because I first of all, as soon as they told me, they recognized how serious it was. I they had no idea that I'd been pushing and pushing and pushing. And when, in fact, I got the word, you know, you have a brain cancer, I do believe my body just gave out. It it did. And they they admitted me immediately and they put me on morphine. And for last, yeah, I will say I was in and out of consciousness. They had to do the two procedures before the operation, which was uh seven days later, and they did have eight specialists um because I had so much asides they couldn't, you know, and the waiting that long they had to keep getting rid of the asides. I would say I was um angry. I was uh I was depressed beyond measure. I was terrified, I was numb, I was sad, I was at times, at times I felt I was catatonic. I will say that I want to share with you um that if it had not been for my caregivers, I wouldn't have made it through that first separation to lie there for seven days in absolute uh shambles. And and and again, I I need people to understand why it is so sad when you wait so long is my body had given up. As soon as I heard the news, I I they I they couldn't believe I'd been able to walk in to the emergency room.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Yeah, and do windsprints earlier in the day. Wow. So I guess you're you're physically strong. Now I want to ask a question that um it's on top of my mind. Um ovarian cancer, one of the one of the one of the ways of detection is pox smear every year. Did you not have those or did they miss it?

SPEAKER_03 16:20

You did. That's for certain types when it's caused by the uh human papillomavirus, HPV. Um that's that's mostly for cervical cancer, actually. I think. But I'm not a doctor, so I'm not going to like this, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:33

I'm mixing it up, man. You're very right.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

We would have to we'd have to ask Dr. Dia. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

Yes, I'm mixing it up. I'm thinking cervical. It's ovarian. Got it. There's really there's no there's no screening for that. Okay. There's no good screening for it. Got you. There's no screening for that. It doesn't show up on right, yes, yes, because he did say there's only four cancers that there's screening for. Yeah um uh cervical cancer, lung cancer. I don't know how to screen for lung cancer, but apparently they can screen for that. Um, uh breast cancer and prostate cancer, which he lumps is one for women, one for men, and uh colorectal cancer. There's the only ones that we have screenings for right now. So, right, ovarian cancer, you're right. It's it's definitely could be a silent killer. Hmm. Interesting. Just sneaks in there. All right. So you got through it. You got through it. I did, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

Um what was that? She she so um before so she was you know diagnosed and then had to spend a week in the hospital. And when I first saw her uh the next day, she looked like she'd given up, you know. She was in this uh, you know, one of those like incredibly clean rooms in the hospital, just bright white, you know, the kind that has no, it doesn't feel like a home.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

It looks like a I know the one they see them in the movies, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Exactly. I've never seen someone in in that room in the movies like make it, right? That doesn't happen. It's not a it's not an uplifting place, you know. You've got the beeps, whores, and clicks of all the machines that are keeping her alive and making sure that yeah, and um and like we immediately realized like this isn't she's not going to live for a week if if she stays like this, especially because we saw the the transition from you know the woman who was doing wind sprints, uh albeit like you know, not quite as strongly as we knew her to have done them. Uh when I grew up, she was a uh an aerobics teacher and she taught an aerobics class every morning at 5 30 in the morning that I wow to, much to my chagrin.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Um so like something that is probably one of the reasons you're surviving all this, because exercise saved lives. Okay, go ahead. It's true. Go ahead, Robert. Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Um and then I want him to share that it is true. Uh Push Yourself is part of our book, and they pushed me, and I had to push myself, but that's another we'll get there.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

But this woman who was like uh, you know, clearly a little bit weaker than I'd seen her in the past, you know, I having run with her my entire life. I I knew that what she was doing in on in the lane wasn't quite what she was capable of. Um, but the transition from that to the next day was just night and day. It really was like, and so we realized that we had to change something. Um and we decided that we wanted to make the environment that she was going to be in for the next week. Uh actually we didn't know at the time it was a week, which was also frustrating because it's one of those things where like we're going to have your surgery as soon as we possibly can. We're hoping for two days from now. It's like, okay, two days from now rolls around. It's like, yeah, okay, we couldn't do it. We'll we'll get it in two days. It's like, okay, that happens again, you know, eventually. Um, but either way, we knew that where she was staying wasn't going to be conducive to her health. So we brought in uh some plants from home to sort of spruce up the air, get some fresh, fresh, fresh oxygen in there. Um, her uh pillow and blank from home, and also uh this uh tigger stuffed animal that she's had since she was uh five that uh looks looks very loved. Uh she still has it actually. Um, but it's uh it's yeah. Yeah, it's a well-loved, well-loved stuffed animal uh that has you know brought her through many tough times, losing her teeth, losing her ovaries, you know. Um but still that wasn't quite enough. Uh and so I I think uh that that sound of all the machinery that's keeping her alive and stuff like that was really dragging on her. And I was like, I know how to fix that. Um so my dad and I uh called up a local music store and ran in. It was like we called him up five minutes before closing. We're like, we're not there yet, but we will be, we need to buy something and we'll be out of here as soon as possible. Uh and we grabbed an electric piano, confidently marched it through the halls of the hospital, as people normally do, I'm sure. Um and popped it in a room. And uh from the moment That hurts my heart.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

That's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

Yes. From the moment I started playing, you could see like some color come back to her cheeks and the sparkle.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Oh, I could cry now.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

Uh I I played for like four or feeling it, like I'm feeling it.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

I'm feeling it in my heart. I mean, it's it's so beautiful, right?

SPEAKER_03 21:17

But it's not something like people are incapable of. I mean, most people, you know, probably haven't been playing the piano as long as I have, but you you're capable of you know turning on a karaoke song and singing along with it, or reading from a joke book, or something like something to distract them from their situation and and bring some joy back into life. And I think that was super important.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

And you know, I want to share that it didn't just help me, the doctors were singing, the nurses were singing, and everyone on the floor. On the floor, it was a hero overnight, and they were traveled. Right. Yeah, it helped everyone.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

So all right, so let's fast forward to the end. Sure. So you you you when did

SPEAKER_00 22:00

you get um uh i'm assuming that after all your treatments and i'm assuming you took chemotherapy as well yeah i had chemo every week for months chemotherapy um and at the end of all that how long did it take for them to say you're cancer free um exactly as long as the chemotherapy so six months really at the end of the six months they said you're the you're cancer free yeah so everything they they they took out the the cancer stuff and so why did they say it was stage four because I understand stage four means that it's moved it didn't move from the internal thing no right yeah that's exactly why it's called stage four you're correct and so and I just want to share to every survivor out there and and caregiver that when the the bell rings you know you ring your bell and you remission cancer is not over you know all the scars and all the wounds and all the issues you've had in your life your life especially for me was just ashes uh it was I'd really lost my father lost my marriage lost my home and it was I was a it was a tough tough journey fast forward I was so frail I moved to Miami packed up my stuff where one of my dearest friends was uh welcoming me and I I couldn't I could never have have dealt with the cold and the weather in Philadelphia uh seven months later I go to Rome with a friend vacation great time and two days later I collapsed from a grand mouth seizure they with me to a public hospital in Rome and I awakened 16 hours later to see six men in diapers and a gown and I looked on myself gown and diapers I have no idea why I'm in there no one's speaking in English there's no air conditioning it was it was a uh a bit of a Hitchcock movie and I'm thinking oh my god I must have cancer again thank goodness four hours later the neuro neurologist comes in and speaks to me in English and says you suffered a grandmouth seizure you have a brain tumor my daughter flies in bless her heart she she comes in so sweet she flies into Rome and helps me coordinate me to on my transfer to Miami and undergo brain surgery and when they did the brain hang on back up you're saying seven months after you finished the ovarian cancer treatment this came up yeah a little bit longer than that after I moved to Miami yes right out of the blue and I had done again again yeah and again I did you say Robert I missed it basically a year after she was uh a year after okay yeah wow um and now you think the two are related they have so so right so what they so then they do the surgery and they say you know you have metastatic brain cancer which which um I'd like to say too before they did the brain surgery they said you know because your you know your brain tumor is the size of a ping pong ball you and where it is located you may be paralyzed on your right side and you may never speak again. Oh wow and they remove the tumor and they say yes it is a metastasis of ovarian cancer the median lifespan is five months and I'm now still alive after five years one of the lone survivors uh wow but it's all it was wow yeah I know I know thank you to God yes thank you to God wow yeah wow yeah because that's basically um what I'm learning right now if you don't catch these things early they move right and um and when they move you um the uh like for instance you had all these surgeries but there's no way the surgeon can pick the ones that have moved wow but it's a note I learned something chemo could not does not break the brain barrier I'm sorry what was that chemo does not break the brain barrier so all that chemo going through does not so and and just then fast forward after the brain aberration a month later my brain tumor came back so then I had to go through gamma knife surgery it's radio surgery um but since then I've been cancer free yeah knock it on wood uh well listen hey you're getting your story out there that is that's encouraging for a lot of people um it's yes your story is is one of few because according to Dr.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

Atiya it's like 20% right so you're in that a year and that you're in that and it's probably because of your lifestyle that you had before with exercising and probably good diet and all that so but wow when I said that you don't look at what you've gone through my goodness that was that's an understatement because if you have had many surgeries and a lot of bad news from doctors and all right so you you you have a you you mentioned that you've lost your husband in your home and all that but it looks like one of the people in your in your corner is your children you mentioned your daughter and we know that Robert was in your corner.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

So Robert what do you think um helped Nancy go through this span of yeah do you think that caregiving had something to do with it and absolutely absolutely absolutely um right I think it's you know cancer is a a war that you you don't want to fight on your own um I I think there were two big things that obviously so many things helped uh you know notably listening to her doctors and and paying attention to like medical advice um and and being an advocate for yourself were all were all huge things. From the caregiver side I think it was very important like we were saying you know the exercise thing uh to push yourself right when you're when you're going through chemotherapy uh especially when she was going through it uh chemo is basically poisoning your body and and hoping it hoping that the cancer dies before the rest of your body does um which normally happens because cancer is voracious and eats up lots of stuff including the poison a lot faster than the other cells so there's a reason why we do it um but you know if you're if you're going to win that fight you need to stay as healthy as you can keep pushing yourself keep trying to you know exercise when you can and exercise doesn't have to be you know running wind sprints it can be like like at her lowest point exercise was um you know breathing into a spirometer which is basically like a noiseless kazoo to help work out her lungs and her diaphragm uh doing like single leg lifts or single like weightless arm curls in in her hostle bed like anything anything that you can do anything that you can convince your loved ones to do when they're going through something like this uh is really important and it's important to meet them where they are right like you know I wouldn't go up to a random person tell them to run a marathon because I don't think they're capable of it. I wouldn't go up to her at her lowest and ask her to do a jumping jack because she wasn't capable of it.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

Robert was and this it's it's such great news um great information that you bring this up Robert is so good and my kids were so good. I have two incredible daughters they were so good at meeting me where I was but they did push me and they encouraged me enough and they call it scaffolding you know I I have my master's in education and it's you meet them where you are and you gently get them to push themselves and get the confidence to keep pushing themselves. And you know I had pneumonia and you know Robert got the call and was like mom's gonna die of pneumonia before she dies of chemo.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

And so he comes in and I I didn't have the obviously I didn't have the the wherewithal to even get that spirometer and practice my breathing and get stronger and I tell you he tried everything he was cajoling me he was pushing me a little and then he but he kept figuring out and I'm I'm I'm begging caregivers alike to help your patient to learn how to push themselves when you're not there but do every tactic you can because he's right if I didn't get strong enough the chemo would have killed me.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

You don't know what's gonna work you get kind of to just throw things at a wall and see what sticks right but like you should know hopefully you know your caregiver well enough to know or your um you know your warrior well enough to like have an idea of what's working at least a little bit and and sort of riff off of that.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

And you got me biking?

SPEAKER_03 31:20

Yeah yeah it once she got out of the hospital and and was a little bit capable of more things you know uh we got her biking as soon as she possibly could uh I fell off nine times the first time but I made it a mile.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Yeah because I am I was speaking to someone I went to the function a lot of and sat right next to a woman that that um uh is a cancer survivor and she was telling me that breast cancer survivor and she was telling me after um chemotherapy number six you can't walk and you fall all the time and um uh my sister I mean I'm not sure if I said it here yet but my sister right now is going through um she's been diagnosed with stage four non-Hodgkin lymphoma and I saw her in the park the other day riding a bike and I was actually quite worried that she would fall off and have a brain injury you know what I mean so did you yeah when did um did you have a problem with walking and balancing and all that oh after my my brain operation my brain surgery oh yeah that brain tumor again that's a great this is a really real pushing is after my brain surgery uh I did have trouble talking I did have trouble finding words I did have trouble with my balance thankfully I've been doing yoga a lot but you know uh it was a real struggle and my loved ones my friends my families and especially my children you guys really helped me and pushed me so that I I could practice and and get better um you know I one funny story where one of my dear friends was like okay we're gonna do crossword puzzles now and I'm terrible at crossword puzzles anyway and uh you know she said that's brain boosting I get you I get the reason right and you know when we first write started writing this book Robert you can share with them oh yeah uh when we first started writing this book she needed a lot of help um she she was able to put a story on the page uh and I would have to go through and change every single sentence because I knew what she was trying to say but she wasn't quite doing it.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

And then like six or seven chapters in it's all of a sudden like oh hey this is this is well written.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

This is like it came together this is good. Yes but that's that's that's really how anything works is that you know if you tax it and I see you guys keep saying the word push all the time but you're right if she had stopped when she was writing nonsense then she would keep writing nonsense but once you push it some neurons keep building in the brain that's why you know it regenerates itself. So that's good.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

And I think it does help to have that that coach around like if you just keep on practicing the same thing over and over again you're not going to improve it if you if you practice and then someone comes in and offers you like constructive criticism like a little bit of guidance like that can really help move you in the right direction. You know it's it's not about uh practice makes permanent more than practice makes perfect right so it's important to be practicing the right things.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

Yeah this book would not have been written with without my son.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

It wouldn't have been written without her so well you know something right he he knew he knew your story though so he could have written it without you but it's good for for you to talk about your feelings and how things you know how how things affected you and and um yeah so wow so I think I think too you're very lucky that's all I'm saying you're very I shouldn't say lucky you're very blessed. Yes I would agree I would agree absolutely and you know though I think that was was so important as Robert being my coach in writing and then him coming from the caregiver side is that you know my story wasn't written to share why I survived or how I've endured it's about the lessons I learned because that was my next I was just about to circle back into that and glad you picked it up yeah that's our topic today that lessons cancer taught me so I was just gonna segue into that so and thank you for reading my mind so yeah so um so yeah let's let's segue into that what are some of the life lessons that cancer taught you which is really the title of your book as well yeah and each one is a chapter.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

I think though the two um and I'd like Robert to share one and me with the other the one is uh getting your affairs in order and I think that everyone whether they're going through cancer or not should all learn to you know get your affairs in order and what that looks like. And I'd like Robert to discuss that because that's something that my caregivers had to talk to me about because all I could focus on was living and and surviving and now I just say to everyone oh don't wait until you are you're sick learn the what learn what I learned the hard way so can you share like how you guys helped me with that before before before you before you answer that Robert I want to ask a question because it's a very sensitive issue.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

Like I said my sister's going through cancer right now and I felt that it was it was in poor taste or let's say I want to say get your house in order you know um or you know she was talking about putting our house um in a truss so that you enough but my point is I felt strange asking those get your house in order questions because it's like saying that you're not gonna live so what is what is the balance there?

SPEAKER_03 37:17

I love that question. It's a very crack and it's such a real it's such a real thing right like that that is definitely one of the first things you feel I think it's important to see getting your affairs in order as it's not just preparing for end of life. It's again if you if you want it to be it can be a discussion of what's important to you right now, right? And and like setting a you know setting a path for yourself in the future. So like what's important to me right now should be reflected in my will should be reflected in my end of life plans you know uh if I um you know if if she has a favorite child for example I did not kidding but but if if there's some cause that you really you know want to uh contribute to um you know your plan right now could be to give them money from your estate uh but if you make it past whatever you're going through it your plan could be to give them time of your you know from your future self uh when you're planning uh like a remembrance of your life uh or a funeral however you want to phrase that um you know deciding what it is you want to be remembered for is so important not only does it let you reminisce about you know the past and the wonderful things you've done it also maybe I want to be remembered for something I haven't done yet you know and and uh you know when you're when you know certainly if you are near the end of life or potentially at the end of life it can be hard to plan for something that you haven't done yet but you can at least you know like I was saying you know realize the direction you want things to go you can you can make them important in your will you can you know whatever and then if you get through this struggle then you can start directing your life and and you know point your life in that way and I think that's really important.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

I'm gonna jump in. You know Robert has said a couple things and he said it to me and that is you know when you're whatever age you're at but especially if you're going through cancer or some other traumatic illness you don't want all those decisions to go to people that are having to mourn and get together. You want all those decisions laid out how you want to be buried what your will looks like everything that is important to you where you want to put your charity money but it's so important because otherwise and we've seen it happen is that someone dies they haven't written their will they haven't discussed whether they want to be cremated they haven't discussed all those things and what happens is everyone is left you know fraught and and unfortunately having difficult discussions and those angry discussions are what's left with them and not the celebration of life.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

Yeah and my kids have always said I don't care if it's difficult mom but we're having these discussions yeah and and I think I think the easiest way to broach that topic is to honestly like discuss with them what you would want for your own plans, right? It doesn't have to be about them at first you can be like hey like so this is this is how I would like that's a good idea. That's a good idea. And more uh like this is important for everyone to discuss and I would love to know I would love you to know what my plans are and I would love it if you are comfortable sharing with me what yours are. Yeah yeah that's that's that's a good way I like that all right you said you had two so what was the second one ah we're we're uh coming back full circle um the second one is super important to me and it's giving them a reason to fight and uh that can be reminding them of their you know favorite things to do reminding them of what maybe their you know bucket list is like for for my mom uh she really wanted to see her first grandchild she wanted to see her yeah who was just born recently um that's beautiful lucky uncle is a great uncle uh or like to see her daughter you know go to med school you know these sorts of things um or or it can be uh like when I was there it's you know making them laugh making them smile like uh reminding them of of the joys of living you know it's it's that's what life's about right it's about smiling and and being happy and um and I'm gonna jump in.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

I think that what what we're getting to also is one of the things I learned, I learned so much, but is taking life one step at a time and Robert and my caregivers my children were really good about saying to me, you know, we have this phrase it's pause, perspective and pivot. And it has a lot to do with you know looking forward to things that you're excited about but also taking life one step at a time. And I I know that I've you know suffered a little PTSD from all that I've gone through and there are times when I think oh my goodness you know I might not survive I might not survive so that reason for living is always great looking for for the future and going yes but also I want Robert to share how he has helped me and how I'm learning and very capable and then sometimes I have to be reminded like most of us do how you've helped me learn to pause, get perspective and pivot as I have more challenges come up because once you've had cancer, you know your challenges aren't over right because your body has gone through a lot.

SPEAKER_03 43:12

Yeah um so that that is something that comes up a lot uh I I think a lot of the time uh when going through life the fear of the unknown is a lot scarier than what the unknown actually ends up being um certainly that was something that she ran into a number of times and and uh just being like terrified of of going through chemo or going through brain surgery or you know what what have you um there's actually a a very uh recent thing that happened so uh because of her uh brain surgery and and the tumor that she had she occasionally has seizures um she's been on anti seizure medication for a long time and will forever and will be forever yeah uh but uh recently she had uh some small ones and decided to give Up her license because it wasn't safe for her to drive anymore. Which is, I mean, anyone who's you know lived in the US knows that's a very difficult thing to give up.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

It was nothing for me to travel 50 miles a day, right? To go out to go hiking with a friend and then go see a specialist and then go back and then go see my grandchild and then go off to see, you know. Are you still in Miami? I'm back in Philadelphia now, yeah. Yes, because I'm healthy and can be off the seasons and go skiing and rock climbing and all those great things.

SPEAKER_03 44:33

Amazing what an extra couple of pounds of muscle due to your uh your body's warmth. Um but like uh understandably, uh, she was, you know devastated. Yeah, she was not doing well with this. And I mean, it hit me so hard.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

It would hit me very hard. You know, some some 90-year-olds don't want to give up their license because they give up their independence. But the reason I asked you that question is that if you were living in New York, it wouldn't matter because they've got tons of big places to get around. But when you're living in someplace like Miami that doesn't have any subways or horrible transportation, it's gonna hit you hard, right?

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Yeah, and you're and it's a great thing because I was living in center city, Philadelphia when I just got this news. This just happened in June.

SPEAKER_03 45:20

Yeah, just you know, it's very recent. So you can hear uh she she had positioned herself in center city, Philadelphia, somewhere actually shockingly far from public transport. So uh, you know, that that wasn't as much of an option as we were hoping it would be. Um, and you know, she's she's panicking, she's freaking out, and we're like, all right, mom, you need to you need to step back a second, like take a deep breath.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

You know, and I'm really good at this with others, but you know, when it's yourself, yeah, you know, yeah, it's always harder. You're like, yes, it is. Yeah, but for me, it was like, give up my license. I know it's the right thing. My life is over. I know it.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

Um, all right, yeah, okay. So take a deep breath. Yeah, that's it. She's clearly good at doing, you can tell. Um this whole thing. Um, take a deep breath, like pause, like actually inspect like what the situation looks like in front of you, right? Like, um yes, you're losing your car, but like what are the things that are important to you? Why do you need a car? And it was to visit her grandson and visit friends, many of whom live near train stations, and and to like go, you know, food shopping and go get her hair done and stuff like that. And it's like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:37

My hair done. No, a lot more than that. And see clients.

SPEAKER_03 46:41

That seems important.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

Um and then and then and then the pivot part is like, okay, what can what can we change right now to make this easier for you? And like, well, you're not loving your house right now as is. What if you moved? What if what if we changed where you are basing your operations out of? Um, we did some quick research and found a couple places that would like make sense and started the house hunt and yeah, found uh her a lovely condo within 24 hours. Yeah, and she moved two weeks later. So I did.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

I love that. You know, and I love that. You know, and I've been coaching in you guys. I love that. I'm gonna borrow that too. Right, you know, you know, that's what does help. Go ahead. Oh my hair. You know, one of the one of the things that I coach on is change the way you look at a thing, and the thing you look at will change. So, yeah, you're changing the way you look at driving, but then you can find out that hey, you know what, it's much better to take public transportation, take an Uber or whatever, you don't have to worry. You know, you just change the way you look at it. Exactly. You don't want to be, you know, you know, my um, we were driving, um, and I'll tell you, that's that's you know, we were driving back to um to DC from Florida. Um, my daughter had a blood clot, so she was stuck in Florida for a while. And uh, she was telling me is that as she was driving, she had this panic attack thinking that you know she's gonna have an episode and crash or something. You know, that's in her mind. So I mean, uh, yeah. So one of the things that would happen is that you could be driving and uh you can hurt yourself and hurt other people. So it's a good idea, and you just look at it that way, and then it's not gonna seem as bad what you're giving up as well. You're saving lives by making this. You know, it was very easy.

SPEAKER_02 48:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:40

My um, my neurologist and colleges who's renowned, she called me up, and you know, that's exactly what she said. She said, you know, you can keep your license, we can fight that. But I need you to think about something. What happens since you know you had a huge tumor, lots of scarring, you've had many seizures. And what if you do have one while you're driving and you get an accident and you kill a child? Yes. And I know she's used these words before since that is her profession. And I didn't share with anyone. And I went to bed and you know, I meditated and prayed about it and thought about it. And when I woke up, you are correct. It was the easiest decision. Yes, and it is always what you go back to.

SPEAKER_01 49:23

I got that from Dwayne Dwyer, and it's the most profound thing in psychology. The most profound thing in psychology. And if you practice it, you will see how it makes a difference.

SPEAKER_00 49:35

Correct. And you know, and that's the thing that is so important. It's if everyone can just that's why we say pause. And you know, when you take that deep breath, you can't, if you're thinking about the reading, you're fully focusing, your mind does just focus on the breath and try it. And then you know, it's beautiful, a little bit longer next time. I know. And then exactly what you you're right with the perspective. We talk about this in one of the chapters, is change what you can. Not, you know, sometimes it's harder to accept what you cannot change, but when you know that you focus on what you can can change, and that's what we all did together in a very quick time frame because you know it it was a shock and it was changing my life immediately. I I knew it was the right thing to do. We all knew it was the right thing to do, and then you know, pivoting. And I agree with you. The more you practice pivoting, you know, people say, Oh my gosh, it's it's so hard to move. I'm like, it's not it's not so hard to do anything.

SPEAKER_01 50:37

That's the hard part. That's the hard part. It is, it's not just finding the places, it's the moving and all that, and yeah, but hey, change the way you look at it, and it looks like that's right.

SPEAKER_00 50:49

That's where we are right now. It's beautiful. I got to fit a piano in. Yeah, so now we can play all the time.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

Well, you know something? You are yeah, there there are some people that that meet adversity head on, and there's some people that crumble at the first pinprick, you know what I mean? And I'm incredibly impressed by the things that you and I don't know what your life was up until the point where you got the the overeating cancer diagnosis, but I will say that you have um everything that you've had, you have hit, you have you have taken it like a champ. You've taken those punches, and uh yeah, let's use a boxing analogy. You've taken those punches and you are you refuse to let them knock you out. You keep getting back up, and I will tell you that you should have named the book. You don't know what the name of the book because you are a champ. So listen, it's uh that's an amazing, an amazing story. I mean, you went from uh the ovarian cancer to the metastatic brain cancer to seizures to all the different you know, things that you had to go through, and you're still smiling, you still have a good personality, you know, you're not Mrs. Dett. Listen, I've met some of those people, like one bad thing, they have a gloomy day and they're walking around like Dr. Depp. You know what I mean? So I want to jump in.

SPEAKER_00 52:36

I want to jump in so that so that other patients or other people going through such horrible obstacles can feel better. You know, everyone you thought and everyone thinks when they look at me, oh my gosh, you must have taken it like a champ. Oh no, but I did not. That's why we wrote the book. If I had taken it like a champ and been Muhammad Ali from the start, there would be no book. There'd be no reason to help but you only ever had a two count.

SPEAKER_03 53:06

That's what I'm gonna say, you know.

SPEAKER_00 53:09

Seriously, that's what's so great about coaching. You learn it the hard way, and I've been able to help so many people because I can I can really attest to say, oh no, I didn't. I only needed to you did get enough though.

SPEAKER_01 53:24

Is that what you're saying? You did the list that you're your son is saying you've got it back in the two count. So you got back up. That's all it's about.

SPEAKER_03 53:33

Yeah, it's having those coaches in your ear. No, they cut your right through its opener.

SPEAKER_00 53:40

But it's so important. Yes, everybody that keeps saying, I can't endure it, you know something. I know that feeling, I know how how horrible it can be. I know what it's like to say, I don't want to make it through this, I don't want to be here, I can't do it. And that's why all those little things that, and we forget, even though we can say, you know, take life one step at a time, push yourself, accept that grief is the price we pay for love and get your affairs in order. We're humans, it it we're not infallible, right? And so getting up again and and trying again and having an army to support you with that, it's so important. Yeah, it's so important.

SPEAKER_01 54:23

Yeah, yeah. So that's amazing. All right, so yeah, so you your company is called Becoming the Best You. And that is the name of your book, Becoming the Best You. Um, Lessons Cancer Taught Me. So, why did you write the book? You you said a minute ago you wanted to help people because, right, you did get knocked down and you want to help people get back up. But what do you want readers to walk away with after reading? I want you to take that one, Robert.

SPEAKER_03 54:54

Yeah. Um I I kind of want to start at the beginning. The reason we wrote the book is is not uh the first book we wrote is not the book that uh we're we're publishing today. Um it started out because uh believe it or not, my mom loves talking to people. I'm not sure if you could tell that. Uh, but over the past couple of years, uh she has had the opportunity to share her story with many people, and uh they kept asking, you know, first off, they they kept saying that she should write a book, and then they kept asking, you know, how did you survive? And what we set off trying to write uh was that, you know, mostly her story, um, and figure it out as we go. Um I I came in to help, uh, so I spent the last decade as a traitor at a hedge fund and decided that that wasn't the most inspiring thing for me to do, and wanted to try and give back to the world, and felt like this was going to be a a real project that I could like sink my teeth into and and help at least one very important person in my life and hopefully hopefully others. Um and and sort of like I was hoping that'd be a really cathartic experience for both of us, because I've talked to a lot of people who've had cancer and and many of them don't like to talk about it, you know. Like for them, the years, you know, 2015 to 2017 never happened. And and I don't think that's a very healthy way of of living your life. Um and so I wanted to help her get through that. And then as we were writing it, uh the story just evolved and and became so much more about um, you know, not just I I think obviously what you did to overcome your cancer was incredible, but but of course we know that you were incredibly lucky. Uh like that's you know, blessed, right?

SPEAKER_00 56:36

It's it's not this book is not about how I survived or stored. It's not at all.

SPEAKER_01 56:42

Well, I mean, it is about people want to know that too.

SPEAKER_03 56:46

Yes. It's it's about uh like what we could do as caregivers that uh gave her the opportunity to survive.

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Yeah, if if not for my caregivers and the lessons I learned from them and the lessons I put into my life, I would not have survived and I would not be that person today. Like these are life lessons for everyone, as we said. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_03 57:07

Um as far as what we'd like people to take away from it, I think if if anyone if we can save one life, that would be incredible. Um, but if if if people read the book and and um you know take away a couple like tips and tricks that we had, some of some of the things that we did to help her through her journey, I think we're like really creative and hopefully people people can be inspired by them. Um if I'm gonna jump in. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 57:33

My daughter, when you read it, my my daughter had an incredible trajectory. She went from being my caregiver and she was with the TIF school and doing photography and lighting design. She was very prominent, and and she's now her third year in med school, and that's an interesting trajectory. And her she taught me to self-advocate. And her number one thing I wish everyone, when you read this book, there's it's a very short read. Everyone will get something from it, either gratitude that they're not going through to their loved one, or the but there's lots, as you said, lots of tricks and wonderful inspirational ideas for caregivers and patients like and but the people that have read it so far, everyone loves it for different reasons. But most people say, besides the caregiving end and the life lessons, is oh my gosh, I I have to self-advocate. Just as you're saying, this is all about Cancer Awareness Month. Everyone, don't do what I did. Don't not don't not share your pain. Don't don't not share that you're going to see a doctor, right?

SPEAKER_02 58:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:44

Share with the world what's wrong. And then when you don't, when you get an answer like, oh, everything's fine, and you still feel pain, as my daughter says, You know your body best, you're a team. And as we say, you know, you're the the head of the army, right? Yeah. This is your job. And and that's what we want people to take away is all the life lessons that I learned that my caretaker, my caregivers taught me, and I've had to learn for myself, and everyone can learn at least one of these lessons will have a and lastly, no matter what the journey is, because let's say there's almost 20,000 women that will be diagnosed with a brain cancer this year, and 13,000 will die. And it's not I am so lucky I could die tomorrow. I understand that. But they made my journey empowering, optimistic, more peaceful, and actually fun.

SPEAKER_01 59:46

Yes, and you know what? They are gonna be so proud of you for your strength because listen, it takes strength, and you've got it. And uh, if you want to leave a legacy, you're leaving a legacy of strength. So, and um, your children are always watching. So your daughter, you know, might say, if my mom can do it, I can do it. You know what I mean? Or when she hits obstacles, and that's basically what we want. We want to have the good role models. So, yes, you're you're a good role model for your children, and um, you're a good role model for anyone that's listening and uh saying, Wow, wow, yes, you know, if Nancy can do it, I can do it. You know, I got a pinprick, and I'm not gonna let it knock me down. Wow, and your cancer came came back quickly, within a year.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:44

Yes, wow, it was actually uh uh yeah, it was it was a year. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:49

Yeah, that's what your that's what your son said. It was it was a year, so that's pretty quickly, yeah. So all right, guys. This was a very interesting conversation. I learned a lot from you. I am very, very blown away by your story, Nancy. Very, very blown away by your your son and your daughters and the people that held you up when you needed holding up. And um, you know, um, I'm glad that you wrote the book, and I'm glad that you came on the show to um uh to encourage those listening, whether they have a family member like myself that's going through um uh cancer treatments right now, um, or they're a survivor, um, and um just Cancer Awareness Month. Early detection is basically what saves lives. And and um so yeah, go get your screening, do the things that you need to do to um improve your chances of of survival. So um awesome. So your book is going to be out in October, and I'm assuming that it'll be available on Amazon. That is correct, yeah. Okay, all right. So are you guys on social media?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:10

Uh we are, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:12

We are it's becoming the best becoming the best you. The best you becoming the best you with a you, with a you. Okay, and the best thing is to look at our website, becoming the best you dot com. It's for upbeat, unstoppable, and unafraid.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:31

Yeah, I like that part. Unafraid, right? Yes. All right, guys. Well, listen, this has been um an incredible um interview, incredible talk. Thank you so much for um sharing your story with me and my listening audience. Um, thank you guys for tuning in to this week's episode of Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life. This is a classic example with Nancy's story and um Robert of how you can transform your mind to transform your life. I will have a link to Nancy's book on the show page, which is blog.myhelps.us, as well as a transcript of her conversation. So that if you missed anything, you can head over there and um and um you know get a copy of the transcript. So um as we wrap up, um, Nancy and Robert, any last words?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:29

No, thank you. And we're saying prayers for your sister and we're thinking of you all the time, and thank you for your message.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:36

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:37

You're very welcome.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:38

Our best to your sister.

unknown 1:03:39

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:40

And good luck to anyone else out there who's going through something.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:43

Yes, yeah. Yes. All right, yes. So, yes, let's make it um awareness because yes, it is the number two killer of um people in the United States and worldwide. So, all right. Well, listen, guys, thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life. If you're listening to this on iTunes, we'd love for you to um rate and review and subscribe. And if you're watching this on YouTube, we'd love for you to subscribe. That's so that we can reach a wider audience and uh, you know, uh take this message to the ends of the earth. That's my goal anyway. All right, guys. Until next time, namaste.